My Craziness

[HardyGirl]

Buckle in, this is gonna be a ride.

A lot of you already know from Discord why I took LOA - I am in the process of splitting up with my long term partner Ben. I technically ended it early August but he was laid off in June so he was still living with me until he either found a place to go or got a job to get his own place. Well... the Universe decided to put a boot in his ass to get this done. I've told some of you part of this but here is the whole story.

Last week on Tuesday night Ben drove himself to the VA ER in the city (he was in the Marines in the late 90s, so he gets their medical). He was coughing like crazy, couldn't breathe well. I offered to drive him, had my keys in hand, but he insisted on going himself. After he left, I found paper towels in the bathroom trashcan that were bloody from whatever he was coughing up. So, he got there. They took him back immediately because he could barely breathe. Turns out his oxygen level was 85%. I have no idea how he drove himself there.

They admitted him, diagnosed with pneumonia. He texted me updates Wednesday and Thursday morning. I cleaned the house while I had the opportunity because he had the living room a complete disaster (one of the many reasons this is done, his lack of picking up after himself in any sense - leaving dishes with food still in it all over to rot. I couldn't stand to walk through the living room because it smelled so bad. But the main reason being he was doing meth and lied to me about it repeatedly. That's another long story). But I didn't hear from him at all between Thursday morning and Friday morning. I also had surgery on the 13th - I had a cyst near my urethra. So Friday morning I had an appointment to get my catheter removed. After that I went to work and started making phonecalls. Three hours later I got a live person and was told he was in ICU because his CO2 level was 147, and normal is like 45--60ish. He was on a BIPAP and oxygen, and antibiotics for the pneumonia.

All of this meant one, I had to go there, and two... I had to call his crazy mother, because I knew he hadn't told her he was in the hospital. So, she and I both showed up there Friday night. He told me himself that Thursday night he couldn't hardly breathe and kept paging the nurses because they didn't come right away the first time. Next thing he knew he woke up with a whole medical team around him. He almost died right there. And that's when he went to ICU.

I went back there Saturday, and was there in the afternoon when he was moved back to regular inpatient as his breathing had improved. Dealing with his mom is a whole other side story that I'm not sure I have the bandwith to type out right now. Short version is she goes from being civil and even thankful with me because I let her know - to accusing me of being heartless and kicking him out of my house while he's in the hospital. I suggested he go to her house when he was released because there he has an actual bed to sleep in. At my house he was either on the couch or the floor. Both he and her agreed when I said that, and then she tried to throw it back at me.

Sunday, my friend Clint and I brought Ben's truck (which had been sitting in the ER parking lot) to his mom's house across the river.

So now today. At around 2am his mom texted me this whole diatribe about how some of the house mess was my fault and a bunch of other nonsense. I replied by telling her everything about his drug bullshit and how he kept lying to me and that's why I broke up with him. To my surprise, she believed me and asked more details.

So now he's being released today later this afternoon and she asked me to go pick him up and bring him to her house, because she has bad night vision. Which is true, she had cataract surgery a few months ago. So I agreed.

Trying to get him to get a place to go and move out while still dealing with his mess and attitude is why I had no energy to play the game. I feel like if he hadn't got this sick, he'd have kept dragging things out on leaving. It seems like a whole catalyst that forced both him and me to actually do the thing to get him to move out. It really sucks that he got that bad off and I don't wish that on anyone. I want him to get better and be okay, and probably go to rehab and get his shit together. He just has to do it somewhere else because I'm not dealing with it anymore.

The last few days with just me and the cats in my apartment while I cleaned up is the most peace I've had at home in YEARS. Part of me feels bad that I used this as a way to get him out, because he's not coming back. He's going to his mom's. But I also feel like it would have been a struggle to get him out if he didn't have a big reason like this to do it.

So.... that's where I'm at right now. I wanted y'all to know what's been going on, if I've seemed off, or really just for why I can't play right now. Those of you who have known all of this already, thank you for your support.

I will try to get back into this after the new year. I love you guys. <3