01-25-2020, 05:28 PM
OOC Note: Long story short, my RP was going to have a promo with it, but I had to bail a friend out of jail in another town today. So instead, it's just the unformatted CD.
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//Of all of the things I've done in life, there's one thing that is certain. When it comes to fighting, fighting with my family is something I have never enjoyed or embraced. Whether it's fights with my wife over my stupidity with other women or my attitude at home, or my fights with my parents over how my actions don't show who I am, the fights just suck. The worst part is when they're unavoidable, when they are basically another incoming train on a collision course, and impact is inevitable. You know it's going to be painful. You know it's going to have potential to be worse than it is probably going to actually end up.
Sadly, that's my mentality.
I'm someone who does, what in psychological terms is called, catastrophizing. It means I always predict the worst about whatever is going on around me. I don't expect anything less, or better, than the absolute shittiest outcome I could conceive in my head. This isn't new for me. I've always been this way. I've always assumed the worst. Whether it is personal or professional, I have always had that inkling of paranoia that leads me to believe that nothing good is coming of a situation. Even though I try to focus on a much more positive outlook, after trying to take my own life, and realizing the stupidity of it, this is one demon that still haunts me. Hell it's the demon that truly pushed me over the edge and pushed me into that darkness that I know still surrounds me. And the fact that things have truly calmed down, and there aren't 14 different bad situations going on in my life at once, all of which I tried to talk about and handle simultaneously, creating this idea that I was a bona fide nutjob, gives me this eerie feeling that I'm simply in the eye of the hurricane.
I don't mean that figuratively either. The way my mind is, right now, especially right now, I look up and I see a blue sky. I see calmness. I feel like things have been trending in a very positive direction with no drama, no feelings of regret, and enjoyment in life. But all around me, with what I think the future could hold, I see a swirling cloud of black. I see lightning. I see winds. I see chaos. I see the unknown answers of if I'm truly going to feel it closing in, or if it will dissipate and this life of calm and normalcy will continue. I don't like not knowing facts. I don't like assuming the worst. But it's what I do.
It's who I am...\\
.:: Since returning to SCW, Jake has been in a relatively good state of mind. Minus feeling his demons after the World Title battle royal, in which case with help from Jordan he was able to put things in perspective. Jake feels that his little sister has become a very rewarding addition to his life. Others have seen this about him too, noting to oe another that Jake is seemingly more acting like his old self. Jake feels it completely but doesn't know if it will last or if either of the two of them will.
He also fears playing second fiddle to a budding budding career. He's effectively now stuck between a rock and a hard place.
As he sits at home, he hears an unexpected knocking at the door, and someone walk right on in. With that kind of immediate entry, Jake knows it's one of a very select few people. As he continues doing whatever he's doing in his office, he creeps his eyes up to his eldest friend, Shawn Wright, standing there staring back at him with a smile on his face. ::.
Shawn Wright: What's up brotha?
.:: Jake takes a swig of bourbon. ::.
Jake Starr: Oh... You know... Life...
.:: Shawn walks into the room. ::.
Shawn Wright: Yeah, it can be a bitch sometimes if you let it. But I know you don't need me to tell you that.
Jake Starr: I hear ya.
Shawn Wright: Mind if I sit for a bit?
Jake Starr: Do I ever?
Shawn Wright: Truth is I don't know much about where your head is at since the "event." We haven't really talked about much, so I've kind of had to gauge what I could through Roeper.
Jake Starr: Part of that is my fault in keeping a distance from everyone, but she'd probably be a good resource to keep you informed. As far as my headspace... Overall I've been OK, I think. I had a little flashback, of sorts, at an arena, but Jordan basically told me to fuck off when I acted like I used to. Honestly was kind of what I needed to hear.
Shawn Wright: Jesus, if that's all it took, Brandon and I could have fixed you years ago!
.:: Both chuckle. ::.
Shawn Wright: But seriously... I'm glad whatever she said resonated and got you grounded again. She's seemed to really help you in that regard.
Jake Starr: Yeah. It's been crazy, too. To have a little sister, pretty much out of nowhere, and one that isn't afraid to assert her independence as well? She's a strong girl.
Shawn Wright: But she seems to have an effect on you that has kept you a lot calmer, you know? All of that drama you were dealing with before everything went down, you've either ignored it, or just said fuck it all. You haven't let it stress you out like you were. You also haven't brought any new stressors into your life. So it's a good thing.
Jake Starr: Yeah...
//My friend... My oldest friend... A guy who I would entrust my life to... He wasn't a man of smalltalk. I could tell my reclusiveness over the past couple of days had gotten enough attention that the cavalry was being sent in to try and find out what was on my mind. I could tell he was trying to fish it out in a very generic way, and I didn't blame or fault him for it. Why? I brought it all on myself with my selfishness. That whole group of people I know love me were going to constantly be hypervigilant, like they were our other "brother in blood" when he did a similar act of stupidity.\\
.:: Shawn can see that small talk isn't getting much of Jake to open up, so in true Shawn Wright fashion, he simply goes in for the direction line of questioning. ::.
Shawn Wright: So be honest with me, at least... What's going on inside your head? I give you my word it doesn't go to anyone... Even Roxie, Brandon, Roeper, Thoren, anyone...
.:: Shawn shows his commitment by standing up and closing the office door, so if there were any prying ears, they wouldn't be able to hear. He then goes back and sits down in front of Jake. ::.
Shawn Wright: So what's up...?
.:: Jake sighs. ::.
Jake Starr: Honestly, it's Jordan...
Shawn Wright: Oh please don't tell me you're falling in love with your sister now?
.:: Jake chuckles. ::.
Jake Starr: Sorry no Luke and Leia kissy-face moments here... No I'm worried about Sunday, honestly.
Shawn Wright: Sunday?
Jake Starr: Yeah. See, since I came back, we've either been distant from one another, or fighting side by side. Sunday, it's the first time we stand across the ring from one another.
Shawn Wright: So, you're point?
Jake Starr: She's family, dude!
Shawn Wright:And? David is/was/maybe still is, family... Tommy is family... Brandon and I, we're definitely family... You've stood across from all of us in the ring at some point, and we're all still around!
Jake Starr: That was different...
Shawn Wright: Ok, how?
Jake Starr: Be... Bec... Dude, she's my little sister...
//I really didn't know how else to explain the fact that I knew I would be uncomfortable competing against my sister. The fact is, we'd both want the advantages that doming in first would entail. The fact is she came to me to even ask permission to be here and I encouraged it. I encouraged her to create her own legacy here and fight for her name and herself. She's been doing that all along, even when we've worked together. She's been making her name for herself, and here I am, now competing for the same thing. I don't know how to handle this one. With guys it was easy because while they felt "related," in the end we weren't. This is my flesh and blood. This is where, in a sense, my loyalty is being pushed to an ultimate boundary that I didn't know i had.\\
.:: Shawn continues to get a little frustrated. ::.
Shawn Wright: So... Is she not a professional? Does she not realize that sometimes your friends, OR YOUR FAMILY, sometimes stand between you and a dream?
Jake Starr: That's the problem I don't know. I don't know how she's going to take me being willing to use everything in my power to kick ass and try to win. I don't know how I'll react if and when it turns out we stand across from one another. Hell I worry she feels like she won't be able to go at it 100% because it's me on the other side, and I don't want her selling herself short, either.
Shawn Wright: Answer me this... What did you tell her when she approached you that day? What did you tell me you told her, at least?
Jake Starr: It was the same thing...
Shawn Wright: Well what was it?
.:: Jake sighs. ::.
Jake Starr: I know what I said, Shawn...
Shawn Wright: I know you do... You told her to forget you exist and forge her path. You told her to be Jordan Majors, and not the little sister of Jake Starr. You said to pretend that relationship wasn't there and to do her own thing. What has she done? She's made you, and your whole family, fucking proud because she hasn't held back. She's forged ahead, and the two of you kept a distance to keep her desires met. You didn't show back up, and say, "Hey Sis, I'm back!" No, you both continued to do your own thing until the time came where you had to step out of the shadows. You showed her professional and personal respect. You don't think she has that in her to do, too?
Jake Starr: I know she does...
Shawn Wright: Then expect her to try and take your fucking head off, and be ready to do the same. This is a moment for you two to show one another that you can put personal feelings aside, handle your professional business, and do just like we all did, and move forward. Hell, she wins, she could still draft you, from what I understand. Same for you. You could always draft her. The fact is, you told her to never let you or your name hold her back. If she comes at you full steam, you know she's heeding your words. If she doesn't, you take the fight to her and show her you're willing to treat her as an equal.
Jake Starr: But... Shawn it's not that easy. For years I've known about her, and never gotten to be there for her. She had this shitty life, and had I not basically stayed in the shadows, maybe I could have done something to make it less difficult or painful for her. I could have been the big brother she needed...
Shawn Wright: And then would she be the same person she is now? Would she be this hard-nosed, badass, who could fight her own battles? Or would she need big brother at all times? The Trios is a moment to be selfish, man. Everyone takes advantage. Hell, you, Ace, and Gable couldn't stand one another but you realized if you put it all aside and were selfish together you could win. Same with you and Syren and... Who else was there?
Jake Starr: Fuck I don't remember...
Shawn Wright: ... But you put everything aside for business. Jordan is going to do that, you have to do it too. You have to be Jake Starr, she has to be Jordan Majors, and you two have to fight to get the chance to draft your team for the Trios. Besides, man... You've wanted a moment to shine again. You've wanted a moment to be the grizzled veteran who can still run with the young guns. And think about this... You win a Trios contract, what does Jake Starr do?
Jake Starr: Gets greedy...
Shawn Wright: He shocks the world. And you are going to have to really one-up yourself from that Chamber clusterfuck you did. But first... You gotta fight this team and you gotta take it seriously. I get that you feel guilty. I get that you want to be this big brother and make up for the years you weren't there. She feels it, too. You two already act like a well-oiled brother/sister duo.
Jake Starr: I just don't want to fuck that up...
//Therein lies my deepest fear. I fear of losing my sister due to competition. Why? Because we've never competed for the same thing before in our lives. We've never had to put our relationship to the side for business and I don't know if I can. I couldn't decide if it would be worth it, and to this moment have my doubts. I also don't know if I'm over analyzing everything, if I'm just thinking about it in the wrong manner, or if I am just worried because this will be the first time I truly am trying to take something of value, for myself, from someone who is legitimately my flesh and blood.\\
Shawn Wright: Jake... This is fucking BUSINESS. Treat it like Venus and Serena Williams. They play against one another in tennis. They both try to win. But... One wins, one loses. They are still sisters and still love one another. You and your sibling just happen to engage in violence before loving one another again. And be honest... What would Jordan say if she were here?
Jake Starr: Probably something along the lines of, "quit being a baby, and fight like a man..."
Shawn Wright: She's still nicer than me, then... I'd have called you a whiny bitch...
Jake Starr: I figured...
Shawn Wright: Trust me... You both got this. Everything is going to be fine in the end. Hell, I honestly think you'll have a new found respect for one another's skill sets once this whole thing is in your rear view mirror. That's what happened with you, Brandon, and myself. We all grew to respect one another more, and assist with each other's strengths and weaknesses. You two could use this in the same manner, if you ask me.
.:: Jake sighs. ::.
Jake Starr: I hope so...
Shawn Wright: I know so, brotha... Now... How about you and I grab Brandon, and we go out for a night? Get you to let loose a little before you have to get down to business? You game?
Jake Starr: Eh...
Shawn Wright: Good... Get your jacket... By the way, where is Jordan? She off training on her own?
Jake Starr: Last text I got was something about getting dick slapped and I kind of stopped reading...
Shawn Wright: Well that sounds like a first for her... And if she's with Ace, we know he's in hog heaven...
Jake Starr: Be sure to check the stock price on KY tonight and you'll know...
.:: Jake grabs his jacket reluctantly, and follows Shawn out to get Brandon, and the duo decide to try and give Jake a good time tonight at their expense. The three hadn't been out together since Jake's suicide attempt, and the goal is to signal another step toward normalcy for everyone. ::.
//I still don't know what to think. He sounded right about everything. And yeah, time out with the boys was something that did get my mind off of everything for a period of time, but reality has sunk back in. The realization that in just days I'll be trying to effectively be more selfish than my little sister, and take a special moment out of her hands awaits. It is unavoidable. It's going to be unpredictable. I want to believe I can be businesslike and pretend she's just an equal for those minutes we're in competition. I also want to believe that when the dust settles nothing will have changed. I guess all I can do is wait and see... And hope...\\
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//Of all of the things I've done in life, there's one thing that is certain. When it comes to fighting, fighting with my family is something I have never enjoyed or embraced. Whether it's fights with my wife over my stupidity with other women or my attitude at home, or my fights with my parents over how my actions don't show who I am, the fights just suck. The worst part is when they're unavoidable, when they are basically another incoming train on a collision course, and impact is inevitable. You know it's going to be painful. You know it's going to have potential to be worse than it is probably going to actually end up.
Sadly, that's my mentality.
I'm someone who does, what in psychological terms is called, catastrophizing. It means I always predict the worst about whatever is going on around me. I don't expect anything less, or better, than the absolute shittiest outcome I could conceive in my head. This isn't new for me. I've always been this way. I've always assumed the worst. Whether it is personal or professional, I have always had that inkling of paranoia that leads me to believe that nothing good is coming of a situation. Even though I try to focus on a much more positive outlook, after trying to take my own life, and realizing the stupidity of it, this is one demon that still haunts me. Hell it's the demon that truly pushed me over the edge and pushed me into that darkness that I know still surrounds me. And the fact that things have truly calmed down, and there aren't 14 different bad situations going on in my life at once, all of which I tried to talk about and handle simultaneously, creating this idea that I was a bona fide nutjob, gives me this eerie feeling that I'm simply in the eye of the hurricane.
I don't mean that figuratively either. The way my mind is, right now, especially right now, I look up and I see a blue sky. I see calmness. I feel like things have been trending in a very positive direction with no drama, no feelings of regret, and enjoyment in life. But all around me, with what I think the future could hold, I see a swirling cloud of black. I see lightning. I see winds. I see chaos. I see the unknown answers of if I'm truly going to feel it closing in, or if it will dissipate and this life of calm and normalcy will continue. I don't like not knowing facts. I don't like assuming the worst. But it's what I do.
It's who I am...\\
.:: Since returning to SCW, Jake has been in a relatively good state of mind. Minus feeling his demons after the World Title battle royal, in which case with help from Jordan he was able to put things in perspective. Jake feels that his little sister has become a very rewarding addition to his life. Others have seen this about him too, noting to oe another that Jake is seemingly more acting like his old self. Jake feels it completely but doesn't know if it will last or if either of the two of them will.
He also fears playing second fiddle to a budding budding career. He's effectively now stuck between a rock and a hard place.
As he sits at home, he hears an unexpected knocking at the door, and someone walk right on in. With that kind of immediate entry, Jake knows it's one of a very select few people. As he continues doing whatever he's doing in his office, he creeps his eyes up to his eldest friend, Shawn Wright, standing there staring back at him with a smile on his face. ::.
Shawn Wright: What's up brotha?
.:: Jake takes a swig of bourbon. ::.
Jake Starr: Oh... You know... Life...
.:: Shawn walks into the room. ::.
Shawn Wright: Yeah, it can be a bitch sometimes if you let it. But I know you don't need me to tell you that.
Jake Starr: I hear ya.
Shawn Wright: Mind if I sit for a bit?
Jake Starr: Do I ever?
Shawn Wright: Truth is I don't know much about where your head is at since the "event." We haven't really talked about much, so I've kind of had to gauge what I could through Roeper.
Jake Starr: Part of that is my fault in keeping a distance from everyone, but she'd probably be a good resource to keep you informed. As far as my headspace... Overall I've been OK, I think. I had a little flashback, of sorts, at an arena, but Jordan basically told me to fuck off when I acted like I used to. Honestly was kind of what I needed to hear.
Shawn Wright: Jesus, if that's all it took, Brandon and I could have fixed you years ago!
.:: Both chuckle. ::.
Shawn Wright: But seriously... I'm glad whatever she said resonated and got you grounded again. She's seemed to really help you in that regard.
Jake Starr: Yeah. It's been crazy, too. To have a little sister, pretty much out of nowhere, and one that isn't afraid to assert her independence as well? She's a strong girl.
Shawn Wright: But she seems to have an effect on you that has kept you a lot calmer, you know? All of that drama you were dealing with before everything went down, you've either ignored it, or just said fuck it all. You haven't let it stress you out like you were. You also haven't brought any new stressors into your life. So it's a good thing.
Jake Starr: Yeah...
//My friend... My oldest friend... A guy who I would entrust my life to... He wasn't a man of smalltalk. I could tell my reclusiveness over the past couple of days had gotten enough attention that the cavalry was being sent in to try and find out what was on my mind. I could tell he was trying to fish it out in a very generic way, and I didn't blame or fault him for it. Why? I brought it all on myself with my selfishness. That whole group of people I know love me were going to constantly be hypervigilant, like they were our other "brother in blood" when he did a similar act of stupidity.\\
.:: Shawn can see that small talk isn't getting much of Jake to open up, so in true Shawn Wright fashion, he simply goes in for the direction line of questioning. ::.
Shawn Wright: So be honest with me, at least... What's going on inside your head? I give you my word it doesn't go to anyone... Even Roxie, Brandon, Roeper, Thoren, anyone...
.:: Shawn shows his commitment by standing up and closing the office door, so if there were any prying ears, they wouldn't be able to hear. He then goes back and sits down in front of Jake. ::.
Shawn Wright: So what's up...?
.:: Jake sighs. ::.
Jake Starr: Honestly, it's Jordan...
Shawn Wright: Oh please don't tell me you're falling in love with your sister now?
.:: Jake chuckles. ::.
Jake Starr: Sorry no Luke and Leia kissy-face moments here... No I'm worried about Sunday, honestly.
Shawn Wright: Sunday?
Jake Starr: Yeah. See, since I came back, we've either been distant from one another, or fighting side by side. Sunday, it's the first time we stand across the ring from one another.
Shawn Wright: So, you're point?
Jake Starr: She's family, dude!
Shawn Wright:And? David is/was/maybe still is, family... Tommy is family... Brandon and I, we're definitely family... You've stood across from all of us in the ring at some point, and we're all still around!
Jake Starr: That was different...
Shawn Wright: Ok, how?
Jake Starr: Be... Bec... Dude, she's my little sister...
//I really didn't know how else to explain the fact that I knew I would be uncomfortable competing against my sister. The fact is, we'd both want the advantages that doming in first would entail. The fact is she came to me to even ask permission to be here and I encouraged it. I encouraged her to create her own legacy here and fight for her name and herself. She's been doing that all along, even when we've worked together. She's been making her name for herself, and here I am, now competing for the same thing. I don't know how to handle this one. With guys it was easy because while they felt "related," in the end we weren't. This is my flesh and blood. This is where, in a sense, my loyalty is being pushed to an ultimate boundary that I didn't know i had.\\
.:: Shawn continues to get a little frustrated. ::.
Shawn Wright: So... Is she not a professional? Does she not realize that sometimes your friends, OR YOUR FAMILY, sometimes stand between you and a dream?
Jake Starr: That's the problem I don't know. I don't know how she's going to take me being willing to use everything in my power to kick ass and try to win. I don't know how I'll react if and when it turns out we stand across from one another. Hell I worry she feels like she won't be able to go at it 100% because it's me on the other side, and I don't want her selling herself short, either.
Shawn Wright: Answer me this... What did you tell her when she approached you that day? What did you tell me you told her, at least?
Jake Starr: It was the same thing...
Shawn Wright: Well what was it?
.:: Jake sighs. ::.
Jake Starr: I know what I said, Shawn...
Shawn Wright: I know you do... You told her to forget you exist and forge her path. You told her to be Jordan Majors, and not the little sister of Jake Starr. You said to pretend that relationship wasn't there and to do her own thing. What has she done? She's made you, and your whole family, fucking proud because she hasn't held back. She's forged ahead, and the two of you kept a distance to keep her desires met. You didn't show back up, and say, "Hey Sis, I'm back!" No, you both continued to do your own thing until the time came where you had to step out of the shadows. You showed her professional and personal respect. You don't think she has that in her to do, too?
Jake Starr: I know she does...
Shawn Wright: Then expect her to try and take your fucking head off, and be ready to do the same. This is a moment for you two to show one another that you can put personal feelings aside, handle your professional business, and do just like we all did, and move forward. Hell, she wins, she could still draft you, from what I understand. Same for you. You could always draft her. The fact is, you told her to never let you or your name hold her back. If she comes at you full steam, you know she's heeding your words. If she doesn't, you take the fight to her and show her you're willing to treat her as an equal.
Jake Starr: But... Shawn it's not that easy. For years I've known about her, and never gotten to be there for her. She had this shitty life, and had I not basically stayed in the shadows, maybe I could have done something to make it less difficult or painful for her. I could have been the big brother she needed...
Shawn Wright: And then would she be the same person she is now? Would she be this hard-nosed, badass, who could fight her own battles? Or would she need big brother at all times? The Trios is a moment to be selfish, man. Everyone takes advantage. Hell, you, Ace, and Gable couldn't stand one another but you realized if you put it all aside and were selfish together you could win. Same with you and Syren and... Who else was there?
Jake Starr: Fuck I don't remember...
Shawn Wright: ... But you put everything aside for business. Jordan is going to do that, you have to do it too. You have to be Jake Starr, she has to be Jordan Majors, and you two have to fight to get the chance to draft your team for the Trios. Besides, man... You've wanted a moment to shine again. You've wanted a moment to be the grizzled veteran who can still run with the young guns. And think about this... You win a Trios contract, what does Jake Starr do?
Jake Starr: Gets greedy...
Shawn Wright: He shocks the world. And you are going to have to really one-up yourself from that Chamber clusterfuck you did. But first... You gotta fight this team and you gotta take it seriously. I get that you feel guilty. I get that you want to be this big brother and make up for the years you weren't there. She feels it, too. You two already act like a well-oiled brother/sister duo.
Jake Starr: I just don't want to fuck that up...
//Therein lies my deepest fear. I fear of losing my sister due to competition. Why? Because we've never competed for the same thing before in our lives. We've never had to put our relationship to the side for business and I don't know if I can. I couldn't decide if it would be worth it, and to this moment have my doubts. I also don't know if I'm over analyzing everything, if I'm just thinking about it in the wrong manner, or if I am just worried because this will be the first time I truly am trying to take something of value, for myself, from someone who is legitimately my flesh and blood.\\
Shawn Wright: Jake... This is fucking BUSINESS. Treat it like Venus and Serena Williams. They play against one another in tennis. They both try to win. But... One wins, one loses. They are still sisters and still love one another. You and your sibling just happen to engage in violence before loving one another again. And be honest... What would Jordan say if she were here?
Jake Starr: Probably something along the lines of, "quit being a baby, and fight like a man..."
Shawn Wright: She's still nicer than me, then... I'd have called you a whiny bitch...
Jake Starr: I figured...
Shawn Wright: Trust me... You both got this. Everything is going to be fine in the end. Hell, I honestly think you'll have a new found respect for one another's skill sets once this whole thing is in your rear view mirror. That's what happened with you, Brandon, and myself. We all grew to respect one another more, and assist with each other's strengths and weaknesses. You two could use this in the same manner, if you ask me.
.:: Jake sighs. ::.
Jake Starr: I hope so...
Shawn Wright: I know so, brotha... Now... How about you and I grab Brandon, and we go out for a night? Get you to let loose a little before you have to get down to business? You game?
Jake Starr: Eh...
Shawn Wright: Good... Get your jacket... By the way, where is Jordan? She off training on her own?
Jake Starr: Last text I got was something about getting dick slapped and I kind of stopped reading...
Shawn Wright: Well that sounds like a first for her... And if she's with Ace, we know he's in hog heaven...
Jake Starr: Be sure to check the stock price on KY tonight and you'll know...
.:: Jake grabs his jacket reluctantly, and follows Shawn out to get Brandon, and the duo decide to try and give Jake a good time tonight at their expense. The three hadn't been out together since Jake's suicide attempt, and the goal is to signal another step toward normalcy for everyone. ::.
//I still don't know what to think. He sounded right about everything. And yeah, time out with the boys was something that did get my mind off of everything for a period of time, but reality has sunk back in. The realization that in just days I'll be trying to effectively be more selfish than my little sister, and take a special moment out of her hands awaits. It is unavoidable. It's going to be unpredictable. I want to believe I can be businesslike and pretend she's just an equal for those minutes we're in competition. I also want to believe that when the dust settles nothing will have changed. I guess all I can do is wait and see... And hope...\\