End of the Year Open Invitational

[The Matt]

You know what’s been so absolutely fun, fun, silly willy? The year 2020! It has been a fucking blast of a year for me! In fact, I shed a tear thinking of this wonderful year coming to a conclusion...so sad, so sad…sad because this year has been an eye opening experience, an opportunity for education and learning for each and every one of you pathetic dogs. And therein lies the funny part, you materialistic, moronic worms are too caught up in your mindless capitalistic drivel that you are unable to grasp the wonderful knowledge that is being cast your way thanks to delightful fate itself.

Yet who am I to try and convince any of you about anything? I am, after all, a nobody to fat cats like you. I like cats, by the way! They are cuddly, warm, and fuzzy wuzzy! But you fat cats should be skinned alive. You know nothing of me and do not care to know my story. Still, you shall sit and be forced to listen to my story.

I am Anastasia Ivanova. Born in April of 1986 near the site of the Chernobyl nuclear plant in the Soviet Union. Anyone wanna be the first to blame my somewhat deranged, eccentric nature on an overexposure to leaky radiation? Leaky! Leaky! Leaky! Leaky! They should have put ductape on that silly willy reactor! I was adopted and brought out of the Soviet Union as an infant by Mr. Bartholomew Jones.

Oh! Name Drop! That’s right, the same Bartholomew Jones whose powerful loins conceived Angelica Jones and Kayla Jones, former SCW World Tag Team Champions! Sisters...but not really...sort of? If you believe in adoption? Maybe?

Hee hee...soooo maybe you want to blame my deranged and eccentric attitude on being taken away from my motherland and being raised away from my so-called “new family” and “new sisters”? Naughty boy Bart didn’t think his family would approve of his new acquisition. That’s not the first bad thing he’s done. I’m glad he’s dead!

But I was discovered by Mason Van Stanton. He helped me, trained me, guided me in the early stages of my wrestling career. I debuted as Crimson, his masked and silent monster. A silent killer...much like farts, I suppose? Tee-hee...but I smell as wonderful as a rose, and I’m just a thorny! Mason found out about those thorns when he tried to control me. I cast him aside. Then The faction known as Ginger Nation tried to recruit me and control me. It was there that I met Karina Lysenko, a fellow Ukranian. She is equally as eccentric as I am and equally as uncontrollable. We proved that Ginger Nation couldn’t control us either and we broke away. We began our own movement…Karina called us The Union of Soviet Socialist Gingers…

...but I thought The Soviet Gingers was easier and had a better ring to it!

And so here I am, about to close out the most wonderful year of my life, a year full of beautiful chaos! And how do I best celebrate chaos than to cause a little bit of chaos of my own? SCW, I am accepting your invitation to your little battle royal. If I win, I shall give the money and the car to the one person the idiot fans in SCW hate the most…

So Bree, Sienna, you try and figure out how to split my cash prize and car! I’m winning it baby!