Shilo Valiant vs. Katie Steward

[The Man Who Laughs]

The Carnival of Rust

Well, well, well…

Let no one say that Shilo Valiant does not know how to take a beating! I know, hardly a surprise right? Pretty sure nobody has gone through more tables and been beaten up backstage more than me. I sort of wish I had some kind of punch-card cause I’m pretty sure all these beatdowns would mean I get a free coffee or ice-cream cone at catering or something!

Now, to give credit where credit is due, which means I need to give respect to Ricky James. Don’t get me wrong, he’s nowhere near the respect I had for him when he invaded Rise to Greatness and took over the match that I, personally, orchestrated. The match where he held his own and went toe-to-toe with me while Holly Adams used the hit-and-hide technique to steal the Adrenaline title from me. He’s nowhere near that level respect at this point.

But after the events of Apocalypse, I was really under the belief that the boy couldn’t even wipe his ass without Rudy Powell coaching and encouraging him all the way. Couldn’t even make a breakfast of cereal and milk without Lucy Huckabee Sanders holding a press conference about it.

And, given his win-loss record, I assumed that he couldn’t even do half the crap Jabba the Butt was telling him at all! Afterall, at least I HELD the Adrenaline title – can he say he did that? No! Two tries and he failed! And all because I thought that he couldn’t even follow a plan or direction – even one from someone as dumb as Pow-wow Powell.

In that regard, my Entertained, I was wrong. The jester made an error. I admit it!

If there is one thing Ricky James proved to me a few weeks ago, it’s that he CAN follow orders. Hell, he doesn’t even question them. Jabba goes “HO HO HO!” like a deformed, blubbering Santa Claus, and Ricky just does what he’s told! What a good little cretin!

But here’s the thing, Ricky. I don’t like followers. I don’t like sheep. I don’t like people that just do what they’re told without thinking for themselves. Because if all you want to do is ‘play inside the box’ Rudy and Lucy have built for you, then you’re just boring the audience and you’re boring me! And I did not come back here to be bored!

I came back here to be entertained. I came back here to entertain.

And here’s the thing, Ricky, I thought you were an entertaining guy when you didn’t have three-hundred and fifty pounds of slug clinging to your back and a blubbering mass of contradictions doing segments for you with the same tired catchphrase. I thought you COULD be entertaining when you were fighting me just because you wanted to be a good wrestler. But low and behold, when things didn’t work out immediately for you, back to basics you went – back to the original crap that got you nowhere and just like that, you were boring again. Not surprising. How many people have done an ‘about face’ on their morals and gimmicks and whatever for some quick heat or fast attention? Yeah, nobody’s ever heard of a slow burn before? Come on, guys! It’s hardly original if everyone is pulling a Syren – even Syren!

Well, Ricky, the sad part is that you’ve already wasted my time… and now there’s a price to be paid. See, I wanted to see some entertainment from you, and if you’re not going to give it to me beyond a simple beating backstage? Well… then sooner or later, I can assure you, I am going to get my laughs and entertainment from you in my own way – in an SCW ring.

And if you want to see what that is like, well, just watch how I deal with Katie Steward tonight.

Yes! Someone older in experience and more beat up than me and as fickle as Ricky James! I mean, Katie, at this point, I have to think you’re as beat up as me, if not more so. I mean, you’ve been in and out of SCW so many times, it’s like “if she sees her shadow, six more months of no Katie Steward”, which we could all use, I am sure.

It's funny because, I talk about entertainment, and you haven’t been entertaining in years! Now, shouldn’t I have more respect for you? After all, you did beat Masquerade, Shawn Winters and I in a fatal-fourway to become the first female world champion… but you didn’t really pin me, did you?

Besides, that was what? Eight or nine years ago? Something like that? Close to ten years? You can’t hang your hat on that one accolade! That be like me only having “I headlined Rise to Greatness three years in a row! WOO HOO!”… gets boring really quick, doesn’t it? But speaking of accolades, how’s that “Supreme Champion” status thing going? What?! Still not done it! Come on, Katie! I’m currently the longest person it took get there! I need you to beat that record! It’ll be the ONLY record that you never have to worry about people breaking, as SCW would probably close long before anyone got close!

Oh, come on, Katie! Learn to take a joke. Besides, being ‘Supreme Champion’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I did it earlier this year and SCW didn’t even mention it. I had to REMIND them that I had done it. Yeah, not exactly the same as Christy Matthews getting praised up and down for doing it, but that girl’s ego is so fragile, SCW is probably afraid she’ll throw another tantrum like she did at her own Hall of Fame ceremony and break down Breakdown and NOBODY wants that!

But getting back to you, Katie. Looks like I get to face you at Breakdown, and to me, it’s a bit of a mixed bag. On one hand, I get the chance to beat a Hall of Famer, a former world champion, a person that’s ALMOST a supreme champion, and, let’s face it, people love it when you get beaten up in the ring. The less you’re conscious, the less we have to hear your whining and crying with TJ – who by the way deserves a ‘lifetime achievement award’ for putting up with you for so many years.

But on the other hand, Katie, let’s not kid ourselves. You suffer from the same problem I do. You live with the possibility that you’re losing your touch. The wins don’t come as often as they used to, right? The Steward family isn’t as dominant as it used to be, right? The Steward name holds less sway and power compared to the earlier 2010s, true?

I mean, let’s see, aside from losing to Glory Braddock, your last match was a win against Crystal Zdurich? Not to mention a loss in the Trios tournament.

Things is, Katie, I can’t say I’ve been much better. Least not lately. At the beginning of this year? Oh, I was untouchable! Glory Braddock, Dylan Howell, Holly Adams, Datura, person after person couldn’t get past me – I thought, damn! I’ve still got it!

Now, here I am, losing as many matches as you, if not more, and I wonder, am I as bad as you? Not in skill, mind you, I’m sure you’ve got some good moves in you, but am I as far down the ladder that I now exist in the realm of insignificance? Because, let’s face it, Katie, there’s been whole Pay-per-views and Breakdown episodes where we haven’t even shown up or been mentioned and nobody cares. Nobody asks, “What happened to Shilo? Where’s Katie Steward?”

I don’t know about you, Katie, but it’s depressing as hell. Two Hall of Famers facing off – You’d think this have some kind of build or some kind of “let’s talk about it” element – hell, you’d think SCW Twitter would mention it! Nope. We’re upstaged by Order of Chaos facing The Jackals for the third or four-hundredth time and throwing in the “Ooops! Did we just release a ‘sex tape’”, super-real ‘couple’ in Lexy’s Angels or whatever their names are: And just to be clear, I’m not saying they’re not a couple, but from a guy that knows a thing or two about ‘over-acting’? Well… let’s just say I have some ‘critic doubts’ watching them ‘go at it’ on a webcam.

Thing is Katie, you’ve been down in that realm of underachievement for a long, long time – far longer than me. No title win in how many years? No significant feud in how many years? When was the last time you were even considered for high-tier title like the Adrenaline, the United States, or even the World title? The fact that I can’t recall off the top of my head says a lot.

The stock of Katie Steward, let’s be honest, is low and has been for a long time because, no matter how hard you try and ‘get attention’, your opponents usually seem to find a way around you, unless they’re still green like Crystal.

And maybe you are happy being in that position, Katie. Maybe you’re happy because you’ve practically done it all and as long as you can get that paycheck, you can just come and go in the effort department.

Here’s the problem: I don’t WANT my stock to reach that low point. I don’t want to be staying here in the realm of ‘opening-act’ or ‘curtain-jerker’. I don’t want to go show after show with no appearance or no entertainment! I might as well have stayed retired if that was the case.

No, I want my stock to go up. I want the entertainment to go up with me. I want to go back to what I was before! I don’t want my reign as Adrenaline champion to be ‘it’ for me! You think I want to be at a point where Ricky James – a follower of Lord Jabu Jabu – can trounce me? You think I want to be at a point where I’m HIS bitch? Are you kidding?! That’s not even funny!

The point is, Katie, you may be content with just showing up when you want to and winning when you can… but I’m not. I’ve not given up on myself and what I can do just yet. I’m not ready to be a legend-turned-jobber. I am STILL the Man Who Laughs! I am still The Greatest Showman in SCW! And I am still Shilo Fucking Valiant!

So, tonight, Katie, this will be ‘another loss’ that you can stack up to your large list of losses. I’m not arrogant enough to think that ‘this loss will change you’, ‘this loss will break you, BWUHA HA HA!”. No, I expect that losing to me will be something you can shrug off and walk away from because, hey!, you’re still the Hall of Famer! You’re still “The First Woman to win the world title”! You’re still the “Queen of Queens” and “Goddess of Desire” and blah blah blah!

But me? I need to be above the level you find yourself living in. I can’t be in the part of the SCW card that you occupy. I refuse to give up my spotlight. I refuse to give up my place in SCW – what my name means! And that will happen if I can’t beat you! If I can’t prove that I am above that level of ability, intelligence, and lack of entertainment.

In that, Katie, you are going to be my proving ground, just as I was yours all those years ago when you took the world title. Only this time, you are not taking a damn thing from me. You’re going to give me the show I want to give to the Entertained and to Ricky.

A show that shows what Shilo Valiant is still capable of.
A show that shows that Shilo Valiant is still one of the best of SCW.
A show that shows just what Ricky and Rudy have got coming to them.

And a show that will, most assuredly… MAKE ME LAUGH!