 |
You know the thing about recuperating… it’s fucking boring. That’s right, you heard me… Dexter Schmidt right now is fucking bored like you would not believe. I mean, it’s no real surprise, considering that right now I should still be in charge of EMERGE, and still would be if it wasn’t for the big giant fucknuts Sundown… but, as the bitterness subsided, the boring set in. And when boredom sets in, all I can really do is write my blog… THE single best blog in the business, yes I am looking at you Amy Chastaine.
First of all, I’ve got to talk about Sundown don’t I? I mean, I had the perfect plan, the guys were playing it to the letter. All Sundown had to do was plant Jennifer Helms on her pretty little head and the world would be a wonderful place. But no… Sundown develops a boner for the first time in his creepy ass fuck life, and instead he turns on the all-star, the MVP, and my good friend Gavin Taylor. But then, when confronted on his bullshit, he darn near breaks my back and paralyses me. Like the cunt that he is…
(Oh it feels good to be able to swear again)
Now, if losing the GM job to that prick Bryant wasn’t enough… by the way I’m actually ok with that now. Bryant ain’t THAT bad a guy to be fair. But not only do I have to spend time in hospital, and not only am I still getting around with one of the most expensive wheelchairs ever produced, but then Benjamin Flynn who was supposed to be my friend stabs me in the back on social media, but doesn’t stop there. No, he also takes a job with Drew Bryant… and has now apparently been downgraded to showing little girls around the locker room area. You want to know who this nutjob is stalking Briley? It’s probably Flynn. People seem to have conveniently forgotten what he did to Lilith and Mya, was that really any different?
But ALL of that pales into insignificance… because you know the thing that has REALLY got my balls in a knot over the past few weeks? The fact that the minute I left, Vanilla Skyy pops up and decides that now is the time to get her ‘revenge’ on Mordecai. The reason? She knows damn well that I wouldn’t have allowed her the time of day, and she certainly wouldn’t be wrestling at Invasion in six weeks’ time. If you people don’t see Vanilla for what she is now, you never will. She hogs the spotlight, makes it all about her, and will do the same at Invasion. The only good thing that will come out of this? If Mordecai doesn’t finish her, Willow Wilkes will. Guaranteed.
Talking of Willow, and also Jason King for that matter, I have no clue why people continue to try and bring them down for the way they live their lives. I mean, let’s all be honest here people, if we won the EMERGE championship, we’d sleep with it, take it with us whilst we took a shit, so why is it such a big deal that they did the deed all over the strap? I’ll tell you way, people like Kelsai… straight laced, naïve Mrs Adamson- Mason, they are getting less action than the belt did in one night. And Jason, if you didn’t swing the belt around your dick like a Helicopter at least once, I’ll be pretty damn disappointed in you.
Notice I’m not talking about that other company?
See, the thing is, Jason and Willow are different, and they don’t think like the majority… but what people don’t understand is without them, EMERGE would be pretty goddamn disinteresting. Just because they are different, doesn’t mean that they are wrong to live their lives the way they do. If I wasn’t stuck in this wheelchair, I’d be more than willing to take Jason up on his offer, and anyone who says they wouldn’t, well you can go and sit with Victor and Kelsai and play dominoes or something. They are having fun, and they want Kelsai to have fun too… you could say they are providing a service.
Now, EMERGE#22 is actually going to be difficult for me. I mean, Gavin is a good friend of mine, even though he sided with Drew, I’ve let that go. And Willow… well, she looks like a good time, and I love my good time girls. But the two of them will face off at EMERGE, and whichever way it goes, one of them is going to leave strapless. All I’m going to say on this is when that match takes place, sit down and make sure you watch, because it’s a guaranteed classic. And be safe in the knowledge that whoever wins… EMERGE will still have a top champion better than anything that ANY other company can muster.
Still not mentioned them have I?
EMERGE has seen its fair share of signings recently… and to be fair to Drew, there are some pretty good names in there. Of course, the main one, my good man Brody was my signing, but let’s face it, I’d be an idiot to not be impressed with the others. Beard, Yvonne Knight, The Moustache Ride returning with Tommy Cook, the list goes on and on. But I’m hearing of another new signing at EMERGE #22 that surpasses any of them. A company man every single step of the way. Fair play to Drew… this is a big one, and I can’t wait to see him step into the ring once more. How do I know about this? Because he told me himself the moment he signed.
Of course, we know now that all three singles titles will be on the line and we also know that the Invasion event is over two nights. What we don’t know however what the contendership matches will be, nor do we know who those contenders are, though I’m guessing we will find out at EMERGE #22.
I mean, the possibilities are endless… being in that position and knowing how Drew works, I know he will have been watching the roster, and seeing who is ready to make that step. One intriguing question, especially considering what has happened with Willow and Gavin, is what will Drew decide to do with the SPIRIT championship? I mean, he’s made it clear he doesn’t like the thought of one person holding two titles, so will Jennifer be forced to relinquish the SPIRIT title in order to advance through the roster? Another question has to be will Mitch Sanders, who still hasn’t been beaten in singles competition, get a shot at a ‘real’ title as opposed to the melted down ‘Impact’ trophy. Melissa Killgraves slayed a God, so many people have made a point over the past few weeks… but Drew will have an idea of what he wants to do. Honestly, I look forward to seeing what he puts together for his first EMERGE… this is one of the good things about being a ‘fan’ again. It always mean I can say what I want about some of the people who shouldn’t be anywhere near those shots when they are handed out…
Ohhh, I can feel the anticipation.
First of all, Tyler Jackson. Now, I want to be fair about this guy… I pride myself on being balanced, but this guy has been floating now for a while. After all the hype and plaudits he got in the first few months, it’s only fair that now questions should be asked about him, and his future in EMERGE. He’s a little bit like Ryan Singer, who survived a contract match and actually showed some skills for a short while, but as now gone back to his former self, in that you can see the talent is there, but he just doesn’t use it. Same could be said for Sabrina Bello, she’s got more ‘talents’ than most but has now decided she’s going to be Miss Prim and Proper, and keep herself covered up. Word from the wise Sabrina… when you were with Mika and posing, you won a match every now and again. Now, wearing the highest tops you can, you’re achieving nothing. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist does it?
Can you believe I’ve not mentioned those initials once? Nearly halfway through the blog. Wonder if there is a reason for that?
Of course, one of the most anticipated matches at Invasion isn’t the Battle Royal… which is a stupid idea, it is of course on Night Two, when six tag, and I use the term loosely, ‘teams’ will compete for the title in an elimination chamber. Why do I use the term loosely, because quite simply there are only three teams in it? Now that might sound harsh, but bear with me on this. For starters, Lilith and Mya are in this match, and I’ll be damned if I ever accept them as a ‘team’. Mordecai and Dante? Well they are just as much likely to kill each other as they are the rest of the field. Brody and Beard? In time, they could potentially be a lot of fun, but second match in… an Elimination Chamber… I think we can discount them. Which leaves the Heartbreakers, Tombstone, and the Champions the Modern Marvels. Well, I’m doing the Heartbreakers a favor here, because no one really believes they stand a chance. Meaning it’s going to come down to Sawyer and Eli, or Evan and Alex. Now, I’m not going to make a prediction on this, but I will say this. I fully expect this match to steal the show. Forget about the singles for this event, and make sure you watch this one start to finish. People are going to get hurt in this match, and that’s what we all watch for isn’t it?
Now onto the mailbag, and I’ve got a particularly full sack today… name wheelchair doesn’t half turn off the Ladies. Let’s crack on shall we?
Corey from Calgary wants to know will I ever be making a return to wrestling? Well, if you saw me right now bro you would think it’s pretty unlikely. I will walk again, and soon, but you’ve seen me in a wrestling environment and it’s never pretty, so I reckon I’ll stick to what I know from now on. That however doesn’t mean to say that Sundown will get away with what he did. There will be repercussions… but from afar.
Moving on, Debbie from Alberta… bit of a Canadian theme to begin with, wants to know why I’m so obsessed with Vanilla Skyy? Well Debs, first of all it’s far from an obsession. But just like Sundown will find out, when I’m wronged, I move heaven and earth to ensure the balance is established. All you have to do is go back and watch the shows, Vanilla Skyy fired me for NO reason. NONE. Except putting my thoughts forwards like Frankie does every single week. I’m not obsessed at all… I’d use the word determined to make her pay.
Next up Lydia from London, England asks, as well as enclosing a very nice nude selfie that has been stored in the wank bank for later… she wants to know if I agree with Willow Wilkes saying that EMERGE is THE Division? Well, that’s an easy answer… it would be very easy for me to say that the answer to that is no, but just look at the current champions. I’m writing this a couple of days before that other companies PPV has aired, so starting with the Adrenaline Champion versus our SPIRIT version I’d say they are comparable. World and EMERGE champions, again, not a great deal between Sienna and Willow. The difference for me is between their United States Champion, and our RUSH Champion. Is anyone really going to try and tell me that the only under thirty year old in the world that still wears Grandma knickers, Selena Frost, would REALLY stand a chance against the All-Star. She won’t beat Giovanni Aries, because quite frankly there is a girl who has started to believe her own hype. So yes Lydia… I do believe we are better than THEM. And I’ve a funny feeling that WE are about to prove it
What else do we have… not answering the penis question Tanya from Baltimore, that’s for those that have met him to answer. And sorry Frederick from Milan, even an open book like me isn’t going to tell you the answer to that, you can ask Kandis yourself, I’m sure she won’t mind me passing on her number. And Josh from Australia, no I haven’t and wouldn’t though whatever you do in your spare time is up to you, just watch out for those claws huh? I’m going to leave the last question to Bryony, who asked is there anything I regret in my career so far?
Honestly, there are not many things. Obviously I could regret stepping up to Sundown, because then I wouldn’t be in this wheelchair, but if I hadn’t done precisely that, then I’d regret not having the courage. The one thing though I do honestly regret is the way things when down with Money in the Bank and in particular Chanel. You only get one chance I reckon, and I firmly believe that was mine and I threw it away because I didn’t believe I was good enough for her… and still don’t
Wow… bit deep that. Still not mentioned them.
OK, so now would be the time when I would normally engage in the Top 5, crown a winner and then disapeer for another five months or so, or at least till I can be bothered to write another blog. I thought I’d shake it up a little this week though and JUST include the females on the active EMERGE roster, and count them down all the way to number one. I say active… because there is no way I’m including that bitch Vanilla Skyy at any number. So here we go then, all the way from Number 11, down to number one, and if I missed anyone, soz… put it down to the medication I’m on. Based purely on looks… I don’t give a shit if you save the pandas.
Number Eleven… Melissa Killgraves. Who if I’m perfectly honest I’m not sure if she is a man. I’m sure she isn’t bothered about being bottom of the pile, but seriously you’re on television, at least try to look good
Number Ten… Sabrina Bello. Might seem a little low, but seeing as her biggest asset was her body, and she’s not keeping it covered up, the boat race isn’t anything to shout about.
Number Nine… Mordecai’s handler Shadowcat, who unlike Melissa could look better, but comes across as more of a tomboy. That’s fine, no issues there, but it won’t get you very high up the list. You might not care… neither do I
Number Eight… starts to get a little harder now, and I’m not talking about the decisions. I’m going to go with Lilith Evans, who can somedays be an eight out of ten, others a two. She’s inconsistent at looking good, bit like her wrestling really.
Number Seven… It’s got to be Gwen Blair who in that other company would fare a lot higher, but this is EMERGE and the totty in this place at the moment is off the chart. Maybe a few more pictures on social media Gwen? Just saying.
Number Six… Jennifer Helms. Shocked, yeah you should be. But, imagine the uproar if I made her number one. Geez, I don’t need that shit. So I’m going to put her here to be safe
OK, so we get now to the top five, and honestly this could have gone either way. So, I had to refer for the tried and tested method, and brought the ‘Dickometer’ out. You know the deal, the more it twitches, the higher you get.
Number Five… It’s getting real now, but I’m going to go with Minerva, who debuts on the next EMERGE. Bat shit crazy no doubt about it, but I love the look. Shame about who she hangs around with.
Number Four… Kelcai Adamson-Mason. There’s something strangely alluring about a married, innocent woman that floats my boat. I’m not surprised in the slightest Jason King is interested in dipping the pork sword
Number Three… Probably the closest she’s come to winning anything, I’m going with Mya Denton, the lesser fugly of her and her BFF and according the Benjamin Flynn the better fuck of the two
Number Two… Yvonne Knight, who narrowly misses out on the top spot, but who has that girl next door down to a tee. Thing is, I know she’s a million miles away from that, but you have to wonder… this is a girl who went out with Shaun Cruze
And finally number one… Willow Wilkes, and was there ever any doubt? I know she could milk me dry in a heartbeat whilst massaging the prostate. Jason, Willow… I could still go in this wheelchair, trust me. Give me a call.
And that’s it for this blog, hope you’ve enjoy it, and if you have any questions you know the deal. I’m now about to get myself a bed bath from a nurse who has the most fantastic breasts you have ever seen and is packing in the boot as well. Hope I don’t lose control this time and make a mess… Peace.
|
![[Image: AustrianDeathMachinebanner_zps2c48c74c.png]](http://i1297.photobucket.com/albums/ag37/elgrandeburritos/AustrianDeathMachinebanner_zps2c48c74c.png)
